


John And Dorian Sittin' In A Tree...

by WeWillSpockYou



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:59:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 14,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/pseuds/WeWillSpockYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In celebration of Almost Human I present thirty glorious fun filled and maybe angsty days featuring White Cheetah and Benedict Android.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One: Holding Hands

John had to stay for last call. He always stayed for last call. Tonight was different, he was having too much fun to go home. He and Dorian had gone to Jade III for noodles and karoke night. Dorian still did not understand the allure of badly sung pop songs.

“Why do they embarrass themselves like that?”

“Dunno, D.” John said around an enormous mouthful of noodles. “Guess they think they sound great or somethin’.”

When the entertainment portion of the evening began, Dorian’s back was to the stage. He moved himself around to John’s side of the booth so he could see the “singers.” That’s what he told himself anyway. He loved being this close to John. He could smell John’s aftershave, light and spicy. He could also feel the heat radiating off his body. The current singer was mangling _Hit Me With Your Best Shot._

“Please,” John moaned. “I could hit her with my worst shot, eyeballs closed, half drunk.”

Dorian laughed, “She’s the worst so far.” He shifted slightly to his left, bringing his body in contact with John’s. He thought his plan was sunk when John tensed slightly, but he soon relaxed again.

Why was Dorian sitting so close to him? John was pleasantly buzzed, come to think of it, this entire night was pleasant. It had been a shit day and John had just wanted to go to McQuaid’s and get drunk. He still didn’t know why he had agreed to come here when Dorian had suggested this instead. The next singer was doing a passable rendition of _That’s Life_ by Frank Sinatra. John had always loved Old Blue Eyes. Since this version of the song didn’t make him want to haul his gun out, he settled instead for tapping his fingers along to the beat. When he turned his head, he noticed Dorian was doing the same thing.

Maybe it was the beer or his happy belly full of noodles that made him move his hand to his right, guaranteeing Dorian’s fingers would brush against his own as they moved to the beat of the music.

Dorian saw John move his hand from the corner of his eye and smiled to himself. He hadn’t wanted to go to McQuaid’s and spend another night watching John toss back cheap whiskey. He was surprised when John agreed to come to the “theater of the living” as Dorian called it. John’s fingers brushed his as the song continued on. Dorian thrilled when John’s warm finger brushed against his own. He kept his eyes on the stage, not wanting to do anything to call John’s attention to their hands. He was sure it was just an unconscious thing on John’s part.

Sparks sizzled up John’s arm when his fingers brushed against Dorian’s He tried to keep his breathing slow and even so Dorian’s scanners wouldn’t sense a jump in his pulse. John continued to move his fingers against Dorian, who was warm, his fingers soft. He wondered how Dorian felt his touch. Was it just sensory input to him or did he actually feel something deeper? John wanted to put his hand up for another beer but didn’t want to break the connection between them. Instead, he moved his hand a tiny bit closer to Dorian and felt his pinkie finger slide over Dorian’s. He sucked a harsh breath at the renewed sparks that shot up his arm and straight to his dick.

The heat of John’s fingers sunk into Dorian’s skin. He could feel John’s heartbeat and knew it was fast for him. He smiled and slid his hand further beneath John’s, knowing now that the contact between them was intentional. Dorian felt his cock twitch in response to the feel of John’s skin against his own. Dorian smiled when he felt John spread his fingers in invitation for Dorian to lace their hands together. He slid his hand further beneath John’s and sighed happily.

_Fuckin’ finally_ , John thought as he felt Dorian’s fingers squeeze his own. He turned to look at his partner who was still staring at the singer on stage. He squeezed their interlocked hands himself and Dorian turned to meet his eyes. John had a moment of panic, wondering what he would see in Dorian’s crystalline glare, but he swallowed his panic whole when all he saw was happiness in his eyes. They smiled at each other and went back to watching the performance on stage.

John held up his other hand, signaling for another beer. Dorian settled closer against John’s side and knew this was one night he would not mind staying until last call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John being shy is the cutest thing ever. We all see him as this big, strong man and it tickles me that he could be shy at all! 
> 
> Haven’t we all been caught up in the train wreck that is bad Karaoke? I remember the first time I heard it being done and actually wondered if what I was hearing was the sound of dinner being killed in the restaurant’s kitchen!
> 
> Lastly, “theater of the living” was a line I heard long ago on an episode of The Golden Girls. Miles offers to take Rose to an AA meeting…theater of the living he called it!! That line cracks me up every time! I think Dorian is a Golden Girls fan too!


	2. Day 2: Cuddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian have a close call and John's in need of a cuddle.

It had been a bitch of a day. They’d been caught in a firefight, leaving John bruised and bloody and Dorian full of bullet holes. John winced to himself remembering the time he had told Maldonado synthetics were nothing but bullet catchers. Dorian had taken five bullets to the chest for him, any one of them could have been fatal to John, but all five? He would have left that crime scene in a body bag. When the firing had stopped, John lay on the ground bleeding from the fight and Dorian was leaking purple fluid through his shirt. He shuddered as his mind replayed the events of that afternoon.

“Stop thinking about it, John.” Dorian called from Rudy’s table. “Nothing vital was hit and I’ll be good as new in no time.”

“Yeah, good as new.” John mumbled.

It was his fault the bust had gone bad, his fault Dorian got hurt. John knew it to be true, but couldn’t tell Dorian, so he turned his snark back on instead. “Rudy, is there any way you can install a mute button while you’re digging around his insides?”

“Well, John, I suppose it’s possible but-” John started laughing and Rudy realized he was kidding, sort of.

“John, why don’t you go for coffee while Rudy finishes up with me?”

John shook his head. “Wired up enough now as it is, any more and I’ll never sleep tonight.” He didn’t think he’d sleep anyhow. “Rudy, do you have a spare charging station?”

“Course, John. Why?”

“I want it. I’m bring Dorian home with me.” Rudy pointed and John went to grab it.

“You know, where I’m from, people ask if you want to go home with them, John.”

“No Dorian, where you come from they make toasters.” John grabbed the dock and headed for the car.

 

John was unusually quiet on the ride back to his apartment.  Dorian didn’t want to interrupt. He could see John was buried in his own head, but on the other hand it wasn’t good for John to brood too much either.

“John.”

“Yeah, Dorian.”

“You okay?”

“Sure, fine and dandy.”

“John…”

He looked at Dorian quickly and swallowed hard. “Fuck, that was close, too close.” He spoke softly, no snark in his voice.

Dorian only hummed in response.

 

“I’m gonna grab a shower, you need anything before I go?” They were in John’s apartment. John hadn’t spoken since he’d voiced his fears about that afternoon.

“I’m good man, you need anything?”

 _A hug_ , John thought to himself. He shook his head at Dorian and headed into the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, John felt almost human again. He put on flannel sleep pants and a grey tee, then grabbed similar things for Dorain. The charging station in the corner of his room caught his eye. He had told himself Dorian would be more comfortable in his room, but that was a lie. The truth was that John would feel better having him close. He knew sleep would be elusive tonight. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Dorian throwing himself in front of John and he could hear the sound of the bullets thumping into his body. It was going to be a long night and being able to see that Dorian was alright might just be enough to help him get a little rest.

“Here.” John said as he walked back into the living room and tossed the spare set of pajamas Dorian’s way.

“What’s this for? I changed into a new uniform before we left Rudy’s.”

“Thought you’d be more comfortable” John turned away . _Fuck,_ he thought, _shoulda just kept to myself_.

Dorian knew what John was trying to do, he was trying to take care of him after what happened this afternoon. Dorian loved the feel of the soft flannel against his fingers and loved even more that these were John’s clothes. He stepped up behind John and put a hand on his shoulder.

John jumped when he felt Dorian’s warm hand. This is what he wanted so badly tonight. To be touched and be able to touch Dorian back, to reassure himself that Dorian really was okay. He wanted to turn around and bury himself in Dorian’s arms but was unsure how he would respond to that. It had been a shit day and John would be god dammed if he had to add Dorian’s rejection of him to the list of what had made today spectacularly fucktastic.

“Thanks, John, they do feel more comfortable than what I have on now.” Dorian shucked out of his shirt and threw it at John’s head.  As John turned around to see what had hit him Dorian was pushing his pants to the floor.

“Whoa, Dorian! Do that in the bathroom, would’ya.”

“Why John?” Dorian winked.

John couldn’t take his eyes off Dorian’s beautiful skin. He wanted to touch every last inch, but at the moment, he needed a hug a lot more.

“Come here, John.” Dorian said softly after he’d changed.

John arched an eyebrow into his hairline but walked forward to Dorian.

Dorian could see the tension in the set of John’s shoulders and his face carried a world-wearied look. Dorian reached his hands up to John’s face, lightly brushing past the bruise John carried from earlier in the day.

John flinched at the contact of Dorian’s hands at first but quickly relaxed into his comforting touch. He had waited so long for Dorian’s hands to touch him like this, intimately and with such care.

Dorian pulled him closer and John threw his arms around his middle and held on. This is what John needed. He sighed into Dorian and snuggled his face into Dorian’s neck, inhaling the scent of him. He could smell soap and something that was just pure Dorian.

“So close, Dorian.” John whispered. “I thought I’d lost you.” John could feel tears scalding his cheeks as they fell.

“It’s okay, I’m right here.” Dorian wrapped his arms around John’s shoulders and held him close.

“My fault, it’s all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, it the nature of the job.”

John held on tighter as his tears continued to soak into Dorian’s tee.  He was warm and solid in John’s arms. He didn’t want to let go anytime soon.

Dorian could feel John’s heartbeat pounding against him. He needed to get John calmed down so he’d sleep. John didn’t sleep much or well under the best of circumstances and it’s what he needed most at the moment, well aside from being held, Dorian thought with a smile into John’s silky hair.

Dorian broke their embrace and John looked lost for a moment before his usual mask was back in place. He grabbed John’s hand and tugged him into the bedroom. “Lay down, I’ll be right there.”

Dorian grabbed the charging station and brought it over to the other side of the bed. “I’ll charge just being close to it. He slid under the folded back covers and pulled John into his arms.

John went willingly. He needed this more than oxygen. He needed to feel safe and loved, even if only one of those things were true in actuality. His head rested on Dorian’s chest and he threw his leg over both of Dorian’s, anchoring them together.

“Better, John?”

“Yeah, D. How’d ya know?”

“We almost died today, John. I think we both need this, to be connected and close.”

John hummed against Dorian’s chest and reached up to cup his face. “Thanks, D.”

“You’re welcome, John.”

“No, I mean, this is nice, but for saving me…uhhhm, again.”

Dorian hugged him closer. “We saved each other, John.”

John felt himself getting sleepy. He felt tired to the marrow of his bones but hadn’t expected to sleep much, he never did when he’d been in rough spots and almost didn’t make it out.  He surprised himself by yawning and he cuddled closer to his partner.

“Sleep, John. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Dorian.” He whispered as he slipped into sleep.

Taking five bullets to his chest wasn’t an ideal way to start the day, but a sleeping John Kennex in his arms _was_ the ideal way to end it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t imagine what it’s like to leave the house everyday and know but for the grace of God, you may never come home again. It’s not something John dwells on daily, but when there’s a close call like this, it’s ALL John can think about. I think his overall concern for Dorian throughout the show, tells us that he accepts Dorian as “human” almost from the beginning. 
> 
> John needs to be connected to someone and he’s a little, if you’ll pardon the pun, gun shy. At least he was brave enough to accept the connection Dorian offers him.


	3. Day 3: Watching A Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian are kicking back to watch a movie together!

“C’mon D! Movie’s startin’, hurry up.”

“I’m right here, John.” Dorian called from the kitchen sink. “Start without me.”

“Yeah, you say that now, but when my cock’s in my hand…”

“I meant start the movie without me. Goofball.” He muttered to himself. Dorian was doing the dishes from dinner. He hadn’t eaten, but he had cooked and that was enough in John’s mind to assign him KP. Dorian laughed at his “logic” but did it anyway. John was tired and Dorian would be lying if he said he didn’t like taking care of him this way. It was a little thing, but he knew it meant the world to John, still unused to people doing for him.

“Can’t start without you. Gotta hear the speech at the beginning, it explains the whole movie. Plus this Urban guy does the best voiceover for this character.” This was John’s favorite movie and he had loved the comics as a kid. Fuck, who was he kidding, he still loved them now.

“Okay, John.” Dorian wiped his hands on a towel and sat on the couch near John. “Ready.”

John turned to him, eyeballed the distance between them, then eyeballed his partner. He raised an eyebrow. “Sitting over there, are you?” John looked unimpressed.

Dorian laughed.  “Hey, you’re the one who said you wanted to watch a movie. The last time I sat to close to you we only saw the first ten minutes of Star Wars.” What a night THAT had been. Dorian sighed happily at the memory of what he’d done with his own “light saber” later that night.

John’s eyes glittered at Dorian. Obviously _he_ was remembering Dorian using "the force” too. He reached out and pulled Dorian closer, throwing both of his legs over Dorian’s and started the movie.

“ _America is an irradiated wasteland. Within it lies a city. Outside the boundary walls, a desert. A cursed Earth…”_

John tucked his head onto Dorian’s shoulder as Dorian ran a hand up his back and into his hair. He felt John shudder beneath his hand. “Don’t you love the broken glass sound to his voice, D?” John licked a stripe up his neck.

“Sounds kind of like your voice after I’ve fucked you into the mattress.”

John felt a bolt of lust hit his cock and he snaked his hand into Dorian’s pants to make sure he was similarly affected. He was and John began to fist Dorian’s dick inside his pants.

 “Hey, trying to watch the movie here, John.” He failed to keep the smile out of his voice. John pulled his legs back from Dorian’s lap and dove onto his cock. He licked his way down to the root and began to lap at his length like it was an ice cream cone. Dorian sighed and sunk his hands into John’s hair. He leaned back into the couch and let John’s mouth and tongue work his tool.

John worked his way back up to the head of Dorian’s cock and swallowed him down as far as he could take him. Dorian groaned when his cock hit the back of John’s throat.

He clamped his hand harder on the back of John’s head and started to push him down further on his cock. “That’s it John.” Dorian murmured as he felt John working hard to get his cock down his throat. Dorian was huge and it wasn’t easy for John to deep throat him, but he surely did appreciate John’s effort.

John was gagging and could feel his eyes water from being repeatedly forced lower onto Dorian’s cock. He was also drooling at an alarming rate.

“More, John?” Dorian purred.

John hated to be a quitter, but there was just too much of Dorian to take and his peripheral vision was starting to grey out from lack of oxygen. He shook his head and tapped Dorian’s thigh, their pre-arranged signal for no mas.

Dorian released the back of John’s head and John slowly came off his cock. He looked up at Dorian, his eyes watering from gagging and his chin a mess with his own drool.  Dorian leaned in and grabbed John’s lips for a wet kiss. “Guess Judge Dredd’s gonna have to wait.”

“Fuck me into the mattress, Creep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, I did it! I broke the fourth wall!! Props to Deadpool for showing me how! I love the idea of John mentioning Karl Urban and Dorian saying that John kinda sounds like him! 
> 
> You have to think John LOVES these kinds of movies, futuristic lawmen with big guns and cool bikes! That has John Kennex written all over it! For my part in all of this, I fucking love Judge Dredd!
> 
> Oh and for those of you not as familiar with the Dredd comics, "creep" is the word he uses when he's talking to criminals. "That'll be ten years in the cubes, Creep."


	4. Day 4: On A Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian get a taste of some action!

John was hit. He didn’t have much time left before Dorian found him and finished him off. John needed to make every second count. He swung himself into a modified crouch position, checked his ammo and listened hard for Dorian’s approaching footsteps.

John heard a small snap, which sounded to him like a small twig. The sound was too loud and sharp for it to be anything other than from Dorian’s heavy boots. The air around him was still. No birds sang, the woods were silent.  Nothing moved. The only sound John could hear was the tattoo his own heart was beating. It was so loud he thought Dorian could hear it.

This wasn’t going to end well. He knew Dorian would use every advantage available to him and that included turning on his sensors. He could find John any number of ways; turning on his locater chip and following the GPS signal or turning on his own internal sensors and finding John by his heat signature or rapidly beating heart. John would have only one chance to save himself.

The sound of material scratching against rock caught John’s hypersensitive attention and he turned his head and fired. Three shots hit Dorian dead in the chest. John cackled with glee as bright blue paintballs burst against Dorian’s vest.

“You’re a dirty cheater who cheats, John.” Dorian grinned, pointing at the bright green paint on John’s left arm.

“Yeah well, it wasn’t a mortal wound.” John pouted.

“You still cheated.” Dorian reached a hand down to pull his date back to his feet.

“Having fun?” John asked as he cupped Dorian’s face.

“Best first date ever.”

“First of many, Dorian.”  John cleared his throat and looked around uncomfortably. “Let’s get a beer.”

Dorian nodded and slipped his hand into John’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hit like a bolt of lightning. My original first line had to do with John standing in the mirror fidgeting with his tie. Where was the fun in that? So I started thinking about the kind of date you take someone on who doesn’t eat. Paintball!! Plus with as competitive and dramatic as John is, it was sure to be a good time! Plus I adore shy John at the end.


	5. Day 5: First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's had enough and takes matters into his own hands!

“Shut up, John.” Dorian hissed as he smashed their lips together. John’s were hot and hard beneath his own. John’s head was caged between his hands and his back was up against the brick wall of the alley. Not the most romantic spot for a first kiss, but not the worst one either.

“Bout fuckin’ time.” John said against Dorian’s lips, before he pressed forward for another kiss. Dorian’s lips were soft and warm and if he didn’t open them up to him soon, John was going to lose his mind. His tongue snaked out to lick the seam of Dorian’s lips, trying to force its way between them.

“I’m not that easy, John.” Dorian said, moving his mouth across John’s stubbled lower jaw. He felt John stiffen in response before he sighed softly.

John pivoted forward against Dorian’s weight, he turned quickly and slammed Dorian’s back into the brick wall. He knew Dorian could overpower him at any moment. “God dammed snarky android.” He muttered as he brought his lips down on Dorian’s. He worked his right knee between Dorian’s legs and pinned him closer to the wall. “Always with somethin’ smart to say.” He bit at Dorian’s bottom lip and heard Dorian’s voice catch in his throat.

Dorian bit John’s lip in return and pushed him forward with enough force that he stumbled before catching his breath. “Cruiser.” Dorain pointed at the car.

John bent at the hip, his hands resting on his knees. He swiped the back of his hand across his lips. “Givin’ orders now D?”

Dorian nodded.

John hummed low in his throat and grabbed Dorian’s hand. He tugged him along to the cruiser and shoved him into the door. “Don’t get used to always getting what you want, Dorian.”

“Got you, didn’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know…I could have gone for something sweet and gentle here, but John Kennex seems like he would respond to a little bit of force. He’s a big guy and I’m betting he likes the idea that someone can move him around as easily as Dorian can.


	6. Day 6: Wearing Each Other's Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gives Dorian his shirt after a really bad day.

The day Dorian was decommissioned was cold and raw. The sky was leaden in color, no hint of light shone through the thick clouds. John guessed it was fitting, thought he wasn’t much in the mood for metaphors or symbolism at the moment.

 Dorian had failed the Luger test for the second time and there was nothing even Captain Maldonado could do to stop this happening. There had been this case, Jesus Christ, wasn’t there always a case? This one involved a set of fifteen year old twin boys matching each other in their level of sadism and depravity. Both young men were suspects in a string of gruesome rapes. When John and Dorian tracked them down they were in the middle of torturing their latest victim and Dorian had lost his android mind, nearly killing both boys. A departmental complaint was raised by the boy’s harried mother and that as they say was that.

Innocent until proven guilty only applied to humans and Dorian was convicted and sentenced before John had a chance to raise any kind of defense or to pack a hasty bag and run.  Dorian had been confiscated and sent to Rudy who was to perform the decommission.

John had been given a moment to see Dorian when he had been taken into custody. "I won't stop fighting for you.” John vowed, his bottom lip trembling. He was trying to stave off saying goodbye for as long as possible. 

“John, don’t risk you’re career for me, you’ll be alright on your own. You are stronger than you know.”

 _Stronger than he knew…_ Fuck. He hadn’t slept in almost three days. He was haggard and looked ten years older than his age. He couldn’t go on like this much longer, the crash was inevitable.

For once he was grateful for bureaucratic red tape that had allowed John to visit with Dorian for a short time over the last several days. Today was the day. There was no way to stop it, no way out.  He walked into their bedroom to- Fuck, thinking of the room as theirs brought John to his knees, his chest was tight and he couldn’t suck in a big enough breath. Dorian’s words about his strength played through his head and he found a little extra something to power himself back to his feet and over to his laundry. He pulled out Dorian’s favorite shirt, the one Dorian said made his eyes glow mossy green when he wore it and headed out the door.

Captain Maldonado, Richard Paul and Val were all at Rudy’s when John arrived. As was a small, well armed militia of MXs. He wasn’t surprised to see Sandra and Val, but seeing Richard threw John for a loop. If he opens his smart ass, fuckin’ mouth just once, Dorian wouldn’t be the only officer getting “decommissioned” that day, John thought. Paul and John would join him, the former bruised and bloodied for good measure. John cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

John strode to Dorian and pulled him into his arms. “D.” He cried as they melted into each other. It had taken John so long to realize he wanted Dorian, precious time he was now kicking himself for wasting. They clung to each other, John not caring about the audience watching them.  “I love you, D.” John whispered.

“I love you too, John. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

John was so choked up on his own tears he could only nod his head, which set his tears in motion and they began to fall, thick and silent down his face. John held up his shirt and offered it to Dorian.

“What’s this?” Dorian lifted the shirt to his nose, it smelled like John.

John managed to compose himself a little before answering. “I want you to wear my shirt, so I’ll be with you wherever you go.” John was trying to hold on just a little longer for Dorian. “I’ll be wrapped around you in sleep, just like we do every-” John broke down and Paul grabbed for him, catching him before he could lunge for Dorian or one of the MXs guns.

Dorian slipped into John’s too big shirt as he lay down on Rudy’s table. He was rubbing his fingers across the soft material when Rudy approached with the wand that would shut him down. He could hear John yelling his name when his world went blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another one of those middle of the night plot bunnies. This one came to me just as I was about to drop back off to sleep. It was too good to lose and I grabbed my phone and typed out the first line on my phone. When I woke up the next morning, the rest of it was in my head and my fingers flew over the keyboard, well until I was crying too hard to read what I was typing. 
> 
> John's green shirt is going to seem awfully familiar to my fellow McKirkers come next Sunday and more so the one after that... 
> 
> Spoiler Alert: You will see more of this storyline on Day 11.


	7. Day 7: Cosplaying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian dress up for the Policeman's Ball.

“Are you gonna stay in there all night, John?”

“Fuck off, Dorian.”

“OH! Fuck off, huh? It wasn’t my over inflated ego or my big, fat mouth that got us into this mess in the first place, now was it?”

Dorian heard something through the door which sounded vaguely like “Piss up a rope.” He never understood the meaning of that saying. Why would anyone want to do that?

“Come on out, pretty princess. It can’t be that bad.”

“No Dorian, it’s worse.” John opened the bathroom door and Dorian had to practically stuff his entire fist into his mouth to keep from laughing.

“Yeah, that’s it, laugh it up.” John was frowning at himself in the bedroom mirror. “Should I shave my chest?”

Dorian couldn’t hold it back anymore and burst out laughing.

 

It all started with a good natured wager. Richard Paul was the best golfer on the force. Everyone knew it. John Kennex especially knew it. It’s all he heard about on Mondays. Richard would regale the office with stories of amazing chip shots and putts made from two counties away. John was so sick and tired of listening to all this bullshit. “What’ll you give me if I kick your ass on the course?”

“Give  you, Kennex? I wouldn’t give you a cold.”

“Pussy. I’ll beat you any day of the week.”

“Pfftt, you Kennex? Don’t you already have a handicap?”

John laughed.  “That the best you got, Dick?”

“I gotta better idea.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Winner picks the losers costumes for the Policeman’s Ball next month.”

“Uh, losers?” Dorian asked. This was quickly spiraling out of control and Dorian knew he’d be right in the middle of it when it went south.

“Oh yeah, Bot, you and Kennex against Val and me.”

“Deal.” John said. “Let’s go, Dorian.” John grabbed his jacket and Dorian’s arm.

“Do you even know how to play golf, John?”

“Nope, but how hard could it be?”

 

How hard could it be? Famous last words, Dorian thought as he watched John shave his chest.

“What?” John scowled at Dorian in the mirror.

“Well it’s just…” Dorian snorted

“Just what, Dorian?” His nostrils were flared and his eyebrow was almost lost in his hairline. Fuck, was he pissed.

“Doesn’t make much sense to shave your chest and not your…” Dorian made a shaving motion under his arm.

“Fuck me, Dorian.”

“May I remind you, yet again John, you’re the one who got us into this mess. ‘That the best you got, Dick?’ Remember?”  Dorian mimicked John’s voice.

“Stop doing that, I hate hearing my voice coming out of your mouth.” John clicked a new blade into his razor and got to work.

 

It hadn’t started off well, John’s first hole, was a par 4, meaning it should have taken only four shots to sink his ball. It took John twelve. It only got worse from there. Richard offered several times to enact the ‘mercy rule’ and end the massacre, but John still had his pride.

By the time they reached the golf course bar, appropriately called, The Nineteenth Hole, John was a mess. He had sticks and bits of leaf in his hair from his repeated trips into the woods to chase his ball and his hands were scratched up from a nasty encounter with brambles.

Richard was magnanimous in victory and bought the first round. John was sucking down his beer at an alarming rate when an incoming text message on his phone made it beep. It was a message from Richard with their costume choices for the Policeman’s Ball.

“OH no, no, no, no.” John was incensed. “You gotta be kidding me.”

Dorian peeked over his shoulder and snorted when he read the message.

“You think this is funny, Benedict Android?”

Dorian laughed out loud.

 

“Damn organza’s itchy.” John complained as he swished his blue skirts back and forth in the mirror.

“Oh, and you think these short pants and fake wooden nose are any better?”

“Yeah, well, these shoes pinch my feet.”

“May I remind you yet again that this is all your fault?”

“Come on Pinocchio, time to become a real boy.”

Pinocchio and the Blue Fairy headed out the door. The precinct was going to laugh about this for decades to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit it, the thought of John and Dorian dressed as The Blue Fairy and Pinocchio cracks me up. Originally I had thought to do dueling comic book superheroes, but this idea was much better and a whole lot funnier to boot!
> 
> My favorite thing in this one, aside from the mental image of Karl Urban shaving his chest…hmmm, just gonna leave you with that for a sec… My second favorite thing is how resigned Dorian is to his fate. He knows they are going down in a blaze of glory before they’ve even started!


	8. Day 8: Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After John's Smartbed breaks he and Dorian go shopping for a replacement.

“Smart bed malfunction.” A sexy female voice announced at 3:20am. John Kennex startled awake at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. “The fuck was that?” He looked around the room trying to find the source of the voice.

“Smart bed malfunction.” She repeated again at 3:22am.

Fuck.My.Life. John shook his head and moved toward the edge of the bed. He had only just gotten to sleep and it didn’t seem likely he would be getting anymore rest. Why the hell was the bed malfunctioning? It wasn’t as if he spent much time in it.

 

“What do you mean it malfunctioned?” Dorian was poking at the bed.

“Just what I said, this voice kept telling me it malfunctioned every two minutes until I got off of it. Can you talk to it or something?”

Dorian smirked. “Did you try turning it off and back on again? How about clearing its cookies and cache?”

“What Is this, fuckin’ tech support, Dorian?” John took a deep breath, not sleeping made him cranky. “Sorry, D, haven’t been sleeping much lately. And now this thing with the bed.”

“I can’t establish communication with the bed.” Dorian snickered. “It’s dead, John.”

“Thanks, Bones.” John couldn’t help but smile. Dorian knew Star Trek was one of his all-time favorite classic television shows.

“Guess we’re gonna go bed shopping, huh?”

“What’s this ‘we’ business?”

 

Half an hour later the stood in the middle of Magnificent Martin’s Mattress Mega Mart. Salesmen circled them like hungry sharks. John’s angry look was keeping them at bay for the moment.

“Where do we start, Dorian?” John turned around in a slow circle, a dazed look on his face.

“I have no idea, maybe we should ask for help?”

“Fuck.My.Life.” John mumbled as he looked up and made eye contact with a polyester princess shark. She scampered over.

“Hello there, my name is Martha. How cute, shopping for a bed together, can a ring be far behind?” She laughed like a horse and elbowed John’s ribs, hard.

John felt his face turning red and had just opened his mouth ready to deliver a snarky barb when Dorian stepped in and grabbed her arm.

“How did you ever guess?” He gushed back at her. “We are looking for the latest in SmartBed technology, but we need something durable, you know?” Dorian leered at John and dropped a slow wink his way. “Able to take quite a pounding.”

John’s face was murderous. He trailed along behind as Martha led them to the kind of bed Dorian was asking for. John plotted his long, slow death as they walked.

“Well,” Martha smiled. She would have made a perfect 1970’s game show host with all those teeth and polyester. “This is the SB541. It’s voice activated, has wireless connectivity and can be programmed in eighteen different languages.”

“We only need it to speak English and NOT at zero dark thirty.” John grumbled.

“Isn’t he cute when he’s all riled up?” Dorian asked in rapid fire Cantonese.

Martha smiled a confused smile.

Dorian hopped up on the bed. “Can it take a pounding, Martha?” He winked at her and bounced up and down a few times on the mattress.

John rolled his eyes and then wondered why he was acting like he had a very large stick up his ass. He walked to the other side of the bed and threw himself down hard.

“Over capacity on noodles. Danger. Danger.” The bed’s sexy voice spoke up. Dorian giggled, Martha looked alarmed.

“Oh dear, I’ve never heard it say that before.” Martha looked stumped.

“Yeah, well doesn’t seem sturdy enough anyway.” John pouted.

Martha led them to the next bed and when John hopped on, the bed let out a squeak. “Please do not consume Mexican food before bed.” The bed said.

John looked around at the head board with a snarl on his face. Whiskey.Tango.Foxtrot. “NEXT!”

The next bed down the line had a vibration feature for people with back problems. More like for people who have orgasm problems, John thought. He and Dorian climbed on. “Vibration on.” John called out. The bed started to rock. John immediately felt sea sick.

“Dddddddooorrrriiiiaaaannn, mmmmmmake itttt, stttttooooopppp.”

Dorian was laughing so hard, he fell off the bed.

“Vvvvvviiiibbbbbrrrraaattttiiioonnnnn ooooofffffff.” John yelled.

“Whattaya think?” Martha asked, snapping her gum.

“We’ll pass, I think that one can take too much of a pounding. Don’t wanna tempt fate.” John muttered.

“I think you’ll like this one, it’s our latest model.” Martha was starting to sweat, this was the last bed she had to show them.

John laid down and fell in love instantly. It was like sleeping on a cloud. He felt himself start to drift off to sleep.

“Hello synthetic leg 45476, come here often?” The bed’s sexy voiced asked.

Dorian had to turn away and shove his fist in his mouth so he wouldn’t laugh out loud.

Martha was tapping the buttons on the bed, a look of horror on her face.

John however was calm, deadly calm. When he managed to catch Dorian’s eye, he knew he was about to die.”

“We’ll take this one, Martha. Mind if we break it in here?” John’s smirk was predatory.

“Uhhhhh.” He mouth gaped open like a beached trout.

John lunged across the bed and gabbed Dorian, body slamming him onto the mattress.

“Harder, harder, big boy.” The bed cooed. “That’s it, give it to me good, you naughty boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course it was Dorian talking to the smart beds and telling them what to say to John. This idea comes from the show when Dorian mentions having a conversation with John’s smart bed. 
> 
> Poor Martha! She gets the sale, but will be scarred for life. Stay tuned for the future adventures of Smart Bed and Captain Cranky Pants!


	9. Day 9: Hanging Out With Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and the gang are running the dunk tank at the carnival.

“Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, step right up to dunk the grumpy detective.” Dorian had affected a carnival barker’s voice.

John sat, with murder in his heart, on a pedestal perched over a tank of water. His bare chest and broad shoulders gleamed, as sunshine reflected off the drops of water still soaking his tanned skin from the last dunk into the tank.  A lucky fuckin’ shot if ever there was one, thrown by detective Paul.

“Fuck me, Dorian, there’s no one here yet. Stop your yammerin’, it’s givin’ me a headache.”

“What was that, John?” Dorian pushed the panel sending John crashing back into the water.

He came up sputtering. “When I get my hands on you…”

“You’ll get electrocuted.” Richard said on a bark of laughter.

“Just keep telling yourself it’s for the orphanage.” Valerie said.

John turned his snarl on her and climbed back up onto his perch.

 

Two hours later found John’s skin fish belly white and he had so much water in his ears he thought he could hear the ocean. His voice was hoarse from shouting insults at the contestants and encouragement to the kids. More often than not John ended up in the water. Dorian was wearing his bleeding heart on his sleeve today and every child who stepped up to the booth got to dunk the grump detective.

“You can’t hit me, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.” John taunted. A small redheaded girl was aiming her ball at the sky, tongue out, she reared back and threw. Her ball landed two feet in front of her.  “Dorian, move that little princess forward, for crying out loud.”

Dorian motioned her forward until she was standing in front of the panel that would send John crashing back into the water again. She threw and hit the bull’s-eye. John crashed into the water. He swam to the side of the tank and pressed fishy lips into the glass making the small girl laugh until he ran out of oxygen.

When John surfaced, he could see Dorian speaking with the young woman who had been chaperoning the little girl. He saw Dorian point to the tank and the woman raised a hand in greeting. John waved back.

“Who was that woman?” John asked after they had disappeared back into the carnival crowd.

“She’s the head of the orphanage’s board of advisors.”

“Is she now?” John was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

“We have an appointment with her tomorrow at 9am.” Dorian smiled at him. “And before you ask, yes, that was the earliest appointment she had available.”

“Little Red Riding Hood’s gonna be our little girl, huh?”

“Sophie, John. Her name is Sophie.”

“Sophie Kennex.” John rolled the name around on his tongue. “Gotta nice ring to it.”

“Was it worth a day in the dunk tank to meet her, John?”

“Well worth every dunk, Dorian.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Dorian said as he pressed the button sending John back into the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what happened with this fic, I really don’t. I was bopping along writing a funny fic and all of a sudden there’s this little red-headed orphan girl and my heart seized up in my chest. I knew she needed to be John and Dorian’s daughter. 
> 
> For the mental pics of wet, shirtless Karl Urban, you are welcome!


	10. Day 10: Animal Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian are doing community service!

“Community Service?” John Kennex thundered. “You gotta be kidding me, Sandra.”

“John, I don’t know what else to do with you. That’s two MXs you’ve put out of commission just this week alone. I think community service is a good way for you to find your zen and maybe then you’ll remember the proper way to handle your gun in public.”

“Find my _zen?_ Where do you suppose it’s hiding?”

“In Mrs. Foster’s first grade classroom, where else?”

 

“Let’s go, John.” Dorian was poking John’s sleepy shoulder with a bony finger.

“Fuck off, Dorian.” John mumbled, half of his mouth moving against the pillow.

“I hope you don’t plan to use that kind of language in front of the kids.”

John shot Dorian the finger over his shoulder.

“You stay classy, John Kennex.” Dorian said in a perfect mimic of Ron Burgundy.

Even grumpy cat had to laugh at that one.

 

“Let’s everybody welcome the newest members of our class, John and Dorian.”

“HI JOHN AND DORIAN!!!” Twenty first graders yelled in unison.

Dorian waved to the kids, John scowled, until a well placed elbow to the ribs turned John’s frown upside down.

“John why don’t you have a seat next to Jillian and we’ll get started. Jilly raise your hand so John can find you, please”

A small girl with messy blonde hair raised her hand and John walked to the empty seat next to her. “Is this seat taken?”

The whole class laughed and John sat down. The chair was so tiny he was afraid the legs would skitter out like Bambi’s legs on the ice. Thankfully, the chair appeared to be holding, for now.

“I know we’re all disappointed that the field trip to the zoo is cancelled for tomorrow, but we’re still going to do our art project for the day. Animal ears!” Mrs. Foster announced as she picked up and put on a cardboard set of zebra ears. The “ears” consisted of colored paper zebra ears pasted on to headband of light grade cardboard. John assumed the band was fastened in the back with staples or glue.

“Why is the field trip cancelled?” John asked Jilly.

“Cause we we’re one chap’rone short.” She answered sadly. “I was ‘cited to see the elephants.” Her lower lip trembled.

John grunted in response, he had seen the lip tremble and wanted no part in dealing with a weepy six year old girl. Wait? What the fuck was wrong with him? “I’m sure you’ll get to see an elephant real soon, honey.”

Her smile was angelic.

“Now, there are several types of ears you can choose from on the craft table. Choose a set of ears, a pair of scissors and the headband.  Dorian here will be around to hand out paste and crayons. Remember Tommy paste is for the project, not for your lunch, thank you.”

John saw a little ginger boy across the room turn eight shades of red. Christ he thought, that kid’s gonna turn purple before long.

John walked up to the craft table with Jilly glued to his side when it was his table’s turn to go. There were several types of ears to choose from: zebra, lion, hippo, giraffe, monkey and elephant.  He grabbed two head bands and two pairs of scissors, although how in merciful fuck he was going to get his enormous fingers into the child sized finger-holes was beyond him.  “Okay Jilly, what’s our play here, you wanna make hippo ears?”

“No John, elephant ears!”

He could see the excitement on the little girl’s face. “Mind if I make some elephant ears too?”

She shook her head yes excitedly.

 

Half an hour later, John was happily (wait, WHAT!) coloring his elephant ears. He couldn’t remember when the last time was he colored anything.

Dorian watched as John was coloring his ears gray, the tip of his pink tongue stuck out the side of his mouth as he worked. He saw John peek over at Jilly’s ears and watched his face go wide in wonder at the little girl’s project. She had colored her ears gray too, but was adding in swirls of color.

“Show me how to do that.” John asked Jilly and he began to copy her swirling designs onto his admittedly dull ears.

 

John had a hard time cutting out his ears with the little scissors, but it could have been worse he supposed. John had an idea circling around his brain. Must have been the fumes from the jar of paste open in front of him and Jilly. “Hey Dorian.” John called out loud enough for everyone to hear him. “You’re gonna need a set of animal ears too, ya know.”

“Why is that John?” Dorian saw the glint of the devil in John’s hazel eyes. He knew where John was going with this and was frankly surprised he wasn’t the one fighting with John tooth and nail to agree to this idea.

“Fine, Dorian, if you wanna be the only person on the field trip tomorrow without animal ears…” His voice trailed off as he dropped a wink at Dorian.

“John, field trip’s cancelled, ‘member?” Jilly looked sad again.

John wanted to scoop the small girl up and give her a cuddle. “Not if you get one more chaperone, right?”  He was nodding his head at Jilly. “Right?”

“RIGHT!” Jilly yelled.

“Mrs. Foster, can Dorian I and come too?”

The class erupted into cheers and twenty little people mobbed John Kennex, mobbed him so hard he ended up on the floor.

Dorian laughed and started snapping pictures.

John thought Community Service wasn’t so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure what’s up with me lately, this is the second Kennex + kid fic I’ve written in two days! We all know how good John was little Victor, in the tiny giraffe scene, so at least it’s canon!! I need to see a picture now of John Kennex in a pair of paper elephant ears!! 
> 
> Mrs. Foster was the name of my first grade teacher! Oh happy times!


	11. Day 11: One is awake while the other is asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Wearing Each Other's Clothes.

“Wake him up, Rudy.”

“You know I can’t, John.”

“Just five minutes.”

“John, it will be so much harder for you to say goodbye a second time. I promise you.”

“Please Rudy. I just need to hear him say my name and feel his hand on my face.”

“I’m sorry, John. What I can do is give you five minutes alone with him. That’s all the time I can give you before the MXs will start to become suspicious. Don’t waste those precious minutes arguing with me.”

John nodded and Rudy left him alone with Dorian. It had been six grueling weeks since Dorian had been decommissioned. John had been coming to visit once a week and his conversation with Rudy was always the same. John felt like punching something, but Rudy was right, this time was precious.

He moved to the far wall to grab the small, wheeled step ladder and placed it in front of Dorian’s zipped bag. It always killed John to see him packed away like a too small suit in a garment bag. He unzipped the bag and plastered on his best smile. His stomach clenched seeing Dorian’s cold, dead obsidian eyes. He longed for Dorian’s sapphire blue eyes to roll just one more time at a lame joke he’d cracked.

“Hey, Dorian, it’s John.” He cleared his throat and willed his tears not to fall. “Sun’s shining today and the sky is the color of your eyes. Uhhh, got through the week without destroying any MXs…that’s something, right?” This was significant as this was the first week John could make that claim.

“I miss you so much, D.” John hitched a deep breath as his tears began to fall, hot against his face. He swiped angrily at them, not wanting Dorian to see him like this; grieving and broken. “Our bed is so lonely without you in it and your shirts don’t smell like you anymore.” John pulled out a bottle of his aftershave and gave a few squirts of it onto his green shirt that Dorian was wearing, so that when, not if, Dorian was woken up again, he would be surrounded by the feel and smell of John.

“John.” Rudy said softly from the doorway.

“I gotta go, Dorian. I’ll see you next week. Same Bat time, same Bat station.” He joked, knowing how much Dorian loved those old Batman re-runs.

“I love you.” John leaned in to kiss his cold lips. He stepped down from the stool and walked out of the room. He was never able to bring himself to zip Dorian back into his “coffin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have been reading along with the challenge, yes, this is a continuation of Day Six- Wearing Each Other’s Clothes. I needed to see how John was doing several weeks on and by the look of things, he’s not doing very well at all. John will do what he always does, he’ll keep soldiering on. I wouldn’t bet against him, would you? You will see the end of this storyline later on in this challenge. I won't tell you which day, but it is more toward the end.
> 
> Yeah, I'm crying too! This was an idea that came to me one night as I was about to go to sleep. I had my finger on the button to shut the lamp off and I heard John whisper "Wake him up, Rudy." I was a goner. I started writing this on a piece of scrap paper that was thankfully next to my bed. I was writing this so fast that I didn't want to waste the thirty seconds it would have taken to open my laptop to type. It was worth it!!
> 
> Hug John Kennex everyone, he deserves it tonight!!


	12. Day 12: Making Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make out session!

John’s fingers brushed against the side of Dorian’s face. “So handsome.” He whispered against Dorian’s lips just before he kissed him. His plush bottom lip slid against Dorian’s.

Dorian glided his right hand up John’s back, loving the soft, warm skin against his fingers. He could feel John’s blood surging through his veins.

John sighed into Dorian’s mouth, as he felt Dorian’s hand move against his back. Dorian’s other hand was anchored to John’s hip.

Dorian brushed his tongue against the roof of John’s mouth and he felt John’s good knee buckle. That always happened when Dorian kissed him that way.

“Get back to work, you slacker.” John mumbled as he grinned at Dorian. He stole one last hard kiss before he touched the opaque glass wall of the interrogation room, once again making the glass clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of John and Dorian finding time for a quick make-out session while at work!! Naughty boys!!


	13. Day 13: Eating Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John introduces Dorian to the magic of ice cream.

Dorian was sitting on the kitchen counter, blindfolded. Surrounding him were six opened pints of ice cream in various flavors, each one with a spoon stuck into it.

“You ready to try the first one, D?”

Dorian nodded.

John scooped up a spoonful of Rocky Road and sucked it off the spoon into his mouth. He moaned when the chocolate hit his tongue. He leaned forward and kissed Dorian, his tongue sweeping inside Dorian’s mouth to offer his boyfriend a taste.

This wasn’t what Dorian was expecting to happen. He was expecting to be fed from a spoon, which even he had to admit was cliché and kind of boring. Say what you would about John Kennex, but you could never call him boring. Dorian liked being fed from John’s velvety tongue rather than from a spoon.

Dorian had known instantly what flavor he was “tasting” and he could have named off every ingredient and its unit of measure, but he knew that wasn’t what John was after. This was meant to be romantic, not analytical.

John cold hear Dorian’s low moan when their lips met. He knew this would take Dorian by surprise. John reluctantly pulled back, a little breathless from their shared kiss. “Well, Dorian?”

Dorian giggled. “I’mmmmm gonna guess Rocky Road.”

“Shit, D, we’re you cheatin? Did you turn your sensors on?”

Dorian nodded again.

“Naughty boy.” Dorian could hear the smile in John’s voice

“Guess you’ll have to punish me, John.”

“Snarky bastard. Ready for the next flavor?”

“Only if you’re going to use the same method of delivery.”

“Knew you’d like my delivery, D.”

“Less talking, more ice cream.”

“Bossy Android.” The smile was back in John’s voice. He scooped up a mouthful of Peppermint Stick, his favorite flavor, and moaned when the cool mint flowed over his tongue.

Dorian knew what flavor it was before John’s lips met his again. John only moaned like that when he ate Peppermint Stick. Dorian knew the tone and meter of John’s every sound, was that considered cheating? Technically, yes, but Dorian wasn’t about to let that stop him from kissing John breathless again.

John kissed him with open lips and the hand not holding the spoon, reached up to cup the back of Dorian’s head.

This whole thing started with Dorian wondering what John found so magical about ice cream. Dorian thought he knew now.

John’s tongue danced with Dorian’s and his hard cock jerked in his pants. “What flavor, Dorian?”

“Mmm, tastes like sin.”

He sucked in a harsh breath. “What else?” John whispered against his lips.

“Tastes like you’re tired, John.”

“Tired? You runnin’ low on charge?”

“No, John, but you taste tired, think I need to get you into bed.”

John scooped him off the counter and carried him to the bedroom. The other flavors could wait, after all his boyfriend told him he tasted like sin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Food and Dorian are hard! We have no real canon information about whether Dorian can eat or taste. We all assume he can do these things, so we write it. I was looking for a way for John to share one of his favorite human experiences with Dorian and didn’t want to do it with Dorian watching John eat.
> 
> I have to tell you my favorite flavors are Peppermint Stick and Rocky Road. For those who are curious, the other four flavors melting on the counter are Ben & Jerry’s S’mores, Peanut Butter Cup, Cotton Candy and Strawberry. Yeah, Dorian’s gonna get stuck cleaning up the mess later!


	14. Day 14:First Trip Away Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian go to the happiest place on Earth!

John was the most miserable Mouseketeer in the happiest place on Earth. Dorian was dragging him relentlessly from ride to ride. The only break in the action so far was to get them both matching Mickey Mouse ears with their names stitched on the back. Dorian’s had just the letter, “D” as that was what he love to be called by John, while John’s were embroidered with the name “Johnny,” much to grumpy cat’s shock and horror. He was being a good sport though and wore the dammed ears anyway.

“Is my harness fastened correctly?” John asked with not a little panic in his voice.

“For the tenth time, yes, John.”

John was sweating. This was not good. Why had he agreed to this terrifying ride? For Dorian, that’s why. He was doing this all for Dorian, who by the way was going to owe him big time after this one. Unless of course John threw up on him during the course of this ride, which was a distinct possibility. He winced as he felt rivulets of sweat run down his spine, past the crack of his ass, to absorb into his boxers.

The car lurched forward and John closed his eyes tightly. He reached out blindly, searching for Dorian’s hand and put a death grip on him when he was able to latch hold.

Dorian could feel no pain, but he could feel the pressure of John’s grip. Most days he would give anything to be human, this was one of the rare instances he was glad he wasn’t made of flesh and bones. “It’s okay, John.” Dorian soothed.

“No, I’ll never survive this, Dorian.”

The car lurched forward again and John moaned loudly when he heard:

**_It’s a world of laughter and a world of tears_ **  
**_It’s a world of hopes and a world of fears_ **  
**_There's so much that we share_ **  
**_That is time we're aware_ **  
**_It’s a small world after all…_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, it was going to be that John was afraid of the teacups, but this was a lot more fun. I tried to ask grumpy cat why he was afraid of It’s A Small World and all he would do was hold out his handcuffs. So all things being equal, I’ll just guess… it could be that he’s afraid of the dark, or that the music drives him crazy or perhaps those animatronic multi-cultural, singing dolls freak him the fuck out!


	15. Day 15: Different Clothing Styles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian are walking the beat.

“Traffic Duty? Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”

“You’re lucky they didn’t take your badge, John. We’re lucky we get to work at all.”

John tugged at his collar. “Man, this collar is itchy.” John and Dorian had been busted down to beat cops. John fuckin’ hated these uniforms, blue pants, matching uniform top, silver badges attached to the left pocket and those dammed hats. He felt like he was being strangled by his collar.

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before you pushed that MX in front of a moving subway train.”

John huffed out a breath, he didn’t need to be reminded, this was his fault, but fuck, that mouthy bastard deserved it. Who in hell did he think he was anyway talking to Dorian like he was nothing, inferior? Just a useless pile of wires and circuits and one big mouth, that’s who.

“Walkin the mile.” Dorian called out, his voice a perfect mimic from the movie. Dorian had fallen in love with _The Green Mile_ when John had watched it with him several weeks ago. The main character had a gift that made him stand apart from other men. Dorian found himself identifying with John Coffey.

“You gotta be kiddin’ me with that?”

“Captain Maldonado said if you destroy one more MX she’ll have your badge for good. I figure it’s just a matter of time, John.”

“Hey, I go, you go, remember?” John shivered at the thought of losing Dorian. Maybe he should go back to that shrink and get a better handle on his anger.

“Walkin the mile.” Dorian was grinning at John.

“I swear Dorian if you say that just one more time.”

“Dead man walkin’.” Dorian mimicked.

“Never should have shown you that movie, Dorian.”

“Never should have shoved that MX either, John.”

John scowled and tugged at his collar again.

“Walkin’ the mile.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was brainstorming this idea, John whispered “Walking the beat.” So, I wrote the idea down and got back to work, at my day job, LOL. My eyes kept drifting back to the blue sticky note I’d written that sentence on and all of sudden I could hear, “Walkin the mile” in my head.
> 
> Plus, you’re welcome for the mental image of Karl Urban in policeman’s blues!


	16. Day 16: During Their Morning Rituals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's working up a sweat!

Sweat was pouring down the sides of John Kennex’s  face. He was almost there. He groaned and kept at it. He kept pushing himself harder and harder. John was going to make this one count. “Fuck.” He moaned out. His breath was short and his heart was pounding. _Almost there_ , he said to himself.

He was moving faster now, his movements coming in short, quick bursts. “So close, Dorian.” John managed to say between ragged breaths. He could feel that tingle start low in his body and knew he was almost at his limit. He pushed forward, his eyes on the prize. John’s concentration was razor sharp. It wouldn’t be long now.

“UUUNNNFFF.” John gritted out from between his clenched teeth. He lay back down and fought for breath. His heart was hammering so hard and fast it was all he could hear at the moment. He stared at the ceiling waiting for his body to rebound.

“I only counted one hundred and ninety-seven, John.” Dorian called from his spot on the bed.

“The fuck, you say!” John groaned from his position on the floor. “Two hundred crunches D, I know, I was there and I counted every last fuckin’ one of them.”

“One hundred ninety-seven.” Dorian sing-songed.

“One ninety-seven my ass.”

“You know John, there are more constructive ways to work up a sweat this early in the morning.”

“Oh yeah, Dorian? You mean like with push-ups or suicide drills?”

Dorian shook his head, his eyes glowing blue, grinning broadly as he watched John regain his feet.

“Oh you mean like mountain biking then? Love me a good bike ride.”

“It has do with riding, John, but not a bike.”

“Horses?”

Dorian shook his head no again, a sexy smirk playing on his lips.

John had reached the foot of the bed and climbed up on his knees. “What’s getting ridden, then D?” John was smiling now too.

“You John, gonna ride you hard and put you away wet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I get you with this one?? Yeah, it was just John working out! Of course Dorian has a more efficient means of ‘feeling the burn’ in mind for our resident grumpy cat!! 
> 
> John can ride me hard and put me away wet anytime!


	17. Day 17: Spooning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian roughing it.

“Stop squirming, John.”

“It’s god dammed cold, Dorian.” John snuggled deeper back against Dorian’s warm chest.”

“Try to get some sleep, John.”

“Who can sleep when it’s this dammed cold?”

“Hey, you wanted me to experience camping in the rough. We could have rented a cabin, but no, you wanted to play Paul Bunyan and rough it.”

“Didn’t remember it as being this rough when I was a kid.” John grumbled.

Dorian laughed. “I liked learning to fish today.”

John was smiling, remembering Dorian’s free and easy movements with his fly rod. John had spent more time watching Dorian move than he did at watching where his own wayward casts were landing. “It was fun.” John nestled further back against Dorian and felt him tighten his hold around John’s stomach.”

Dorian brushed his lips against the back of John’s neck, laughing to himself at the small tremor he felt zing through his partner.

“Not fair, m’sleepy, D.” John felt his cock jerk in response to Dorian’s full lips on his cold skin.

“Sleep, John, we’ll pick up from here in the morning.”

“M’k, D, love you.” John mumbled as he slipped into sleep.

John may deny he’d ever said it, but Dorian would hear those words on a loop in his mind forever. Dorian kissed John’s head. “Love you too, John.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, there are so many ways to spoon! I am enchanted with the idea of John sharing his childhood experiences with Dorian. He would never admit it if you ask him, but it’s his way of giving Dorian the childhood he never got to experience. The mental pic of John and Dorian in hip waders and fishing vests, with those floppy hats adorned with fishing hooks is hot as fuck too!!


	18. Day 18: Doing Something Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian go bowling.

“Stirrrrike!” Richard Paul yelled obnoxiously.

John was glad they were on the same team, but fuck did John want to punch him in the throat. Maybe then he could concentrate on his own wayward balls.

“Keep your balls out of the gutter, John.” Dorian called from the scorer’s table.

“Why don’t I think that’s the first time anyone’s ever said that to you, Kennex?” Paul snorted.

John scowled at his teammate and pulled nervously at his satin collar. Who the fuck was responsible for these damn uniforms anyway? What the hell kind of cops bowled in orange and black satin? They all looked like a bunch of Halloween rejects. Also, who the fuck’s idea was it for each of them to have the first initial of their first name embroidered on the left breast? Dammit he looked like Laverne from Laverne and Shirley. She always had the letter “L” embroidered on her clothes.

John sighed. This wasn’t getting him anywhere. He picked up his ball, a sparkly orange monstrosity that Dorian had given him as a gift because it matched his bowling shirt. When John mentioned black would have matched the shirt too, Dorian had broken out into a fit of the giggles. Nothing like being sabotaged by your partner, he grumped in his mind. John addressed the ball and looked for the tiny arrows built into the wooden floor of the bowling lane, not that they were going to help him. The only thing that was going to help John was divine intervention. He walked to the firing line, pulled his arm back and swung it forward. The orange ball hit the lane with a thump and wobbled down the lane toward the pins.

John closed his eyes and prayed he’d hit at least one of those fuckers. He was a champion football and track star. Why the hell was it so hard to throw a ball at ten pins? John heard the sound of stone on wood and looked up to see not one pin standing.

Dorian and Sandra were standing up and cheering. Even Paul was giving him a begrudging golf clap.

John had just bowled a strike and he’d missed it because his eyes were shut. He started to laugh and hopped down off the lane to accept congratulations from his teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why I think John Kennex cannot bowl! Don't you think Richard Paul would be the most obnoxious man to play sports with? Bowling, golf, time in the batting cages, you really would want to punch his throat out! LOL
> 
> Take a moment and enjoy the thought of Karl Urban in a satin bowling shirt! You are welcome. The way your fingers would slip and slide along the material warmed by the heat of his skin...


	19. Day 19: In Formal Wear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian are all dressed up for the Policeman's Ball!

“Fuck, Dorian.” John leaned his head back as Dorian continued to work his cock between his velvet lips.

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. “Hurry the fuck up, would’ya?”

“Faster, Dorian.” John begged. He tightened his hands in Dorian’s hair and started to fuck himself into Dorian’s mouth.

God, Dorian love it when John fucked him like this, hard and fast. He was more a fan of slow and easy, but he had to admit this was good too.  He increased the amount of saliva-like lube in his mouth and worked to get John’s massive erection down his throat.

John whined when he felt himself hit the back of Dorian’s throat and groaned loudly when he felt Dorian swallow around him. “D-Dorian, need to-”

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. “DUDE! Other guys needta go, there’s a fuckin line out here.”

“USE. THE. LADIES.ROOM.” John managed to bellow as Dorian’s tongue sped up on his cock.

Dorian felt John get that little bit harder in his mouth and he began to hum, knowing the vibration of his voice would send John over the edge. He didn’t have to wait long. Only a few bars into the song, John was coming down his throat in hot, salty bursts.

When his cock became too sensitive against Dorian’s tongue he pulled out and managed a shaky laugh. “ _Cause every little thing, gonna be alright_ , Dorian?”

“What can I say, Bob Marley inspires me.”

“Great, but maybe could you not hum a song with the word, ‘little’ in it while you’re suckin’ on my monster cock.”

“Monster cock, John?”

“Yeah, it’s huge.” John was in the process of pulling up his tuxedo pants and fastening his belt.

Dorian was washing his hands in the bathroom sink.

“How do I look?” John asked, staring hungrily at Dorian in the mirror.

“Like a man who’s just been well fucked.”

John bent his head to kiss Dorian’s neck, his hands moving to straighten his crooked bow tie.

“Ready to re-join the party?”

“No, but I will, so long as we can do that again later when we get home.” John smiled into his neck.

“It’s a date detective.”

John grabbed for the door handle.

“Thank Christ.” An angry tuxedoed man yelled, “What the fuck took so long. Seeing Dorian step out from behind John made his eyes widen.

“Sorry dude, thing was so massive it was a two man job.” John laughed as he and Dorian walked back to the ballroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gratuitous blow job in the bathroom of a fancy party scene. Man do I love this job!! 
> 
> I have no idea where Bob Marley came from! I'm thinking Dorian would love that kind of music, John would grumble at first but would soon be tapping his foot to the beat!! LOL


	20. Day 20: Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian dance in the dark.

John could smell cordite burning in the air. There was something wrong with his hearing as everything sounded distant and underwater to him. He couldn’t see through the black smoke that swirled around him. He could smell something else heavy and coppery on the air, could almost taste it. He struggled to sit up and saw that his right leg was missing. Blood, that was the coppery scent on the air, his own blood. He could see Anna in the distance, snarling at him, she was tossing something forward toward him. _CRAWL_ , his mind shouted at him as he flipped himself over and tried to-

“John!” Dorian was shaking his shoulder. “Wake up, man.” He shook a little harder.

John woke with a start, he could feel hard hands on his shoulders and he started to fight, kicking out his leg at his attacker.

“John, it’s Dorian, you’re safe.” Dorian eased his hold on John when he felt John stop struggling.

“Dorian.” He gasped, voice hoarse.

“Right here, John.” He pulled forward on John’s shoulders bringing him into a seated position. “Breathe, John, just breathe and I’ll be right back.” He patted John’s left shoulder as he got out of bed. When John woke from these nightmares he needed water and his leg. He needed to be able to get up and move around, instead of feeling trapped in bed.

All things considered, the nightmares were the worst part of his recovery. So long as he could still be a cop, he could deal with his synthetic leg, but the nightmares were still a curse he couldn’t shake.

Dorian jogged back into the room and handed John a bottle of water. He set the second one on John’s night table for later and moved to attach John’s leg. He had come a long way, Dorian thought. In the beginning of their partnership turned romance, John wouldn’t even let Dorian see him without his leg. Now John was comfortable letting Dorian take it off and put it back on.

Once the leg was attached John scooted off the bed. He paced around the room trying to calm his racing heartbeat. He felt Dorian come up behind him, both hands on John’s hips.

“May I have this dance, John?”

John snorted. “You gotta low charge Dorian?”

Dorian started humming Glenn Miller’s, _In the Mood_ , while he was pushing John’s hips, forcing John to turn and face him.

“Fine, Dorian. Sheesh, bossy robot.” He slipped his hand into Dorian’s and felt his partner pull him closer. He wrapped his other hand around Dorian’s lower back and started to shuffle his feet, following Dorian’s lead.

Dorian continued to hum and could feel some of the tension and terror leaving John’s body. If he could get him to relax a bit more then maybe he could get back to sleep.

John leaned down to rest his head on Dorian’s shoulder. The position was a bit awkward since John was half a foot taller, but he made it work. He could feel the fear dissipating as he focused on the moves of the dance. He never could have imagined himself dancing even when he had two good legs. How had Dorian known this was what he needed?

Dorian knew how strong John was, he had to be just to survive his injuries. It was hard to see him like this, scared and struggling. Dorian hummed a little louder and waltzed with John until the sunrise started to brighten the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s nothing more romantic that dancing in the dark. 
> 
> You know, I tend to think of John as being invincible. The odds of surviving the loss of his leg, the explosion and the wait for the medics to reach him must have been astronomical, plus add to that sixteen months in a coma. How many people do you think are strong enough to wake up from that kind of trauma? Kennex is a walking, talking MIRACLE. It kills me to see him brought to his knees. Dorian is there for him now, but what about those months before they met or when John was too stubborn to admit he needed Dorian in his life? That wrecks me. I can assure you, I am emotionally compromised.


	21. Day 21: Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian try to improve themselves.

Whose stupid idea was this? John brought his forearm up to wipe the sweat from his brow. Oh, yeah, he remembered now. Dorian. Fucking Dorian, this was ALL his dammed fault. Perfect Dorian with his gorgeous blue eyes telling John they needed to improve themselves, so HEY, let’s take a cooking class. What could possibly go wrong?

John knew Dorian wanted him to take this class so he wouldn’t starve or subsist solely on ramen if Dorian wasn’t around to nag him into eating healthy. But fuck, was he a disaster. The first night of class had the instructor, a Cordon Bleu trained chef, teaching them knife techniques. Dorian, of course had perfect knife cuts and perfectly julienned carrots. John had Hello Kitty Band-Aids. Several Hello Kitty Band-Aids.

Week two had featured pan seared chicken. Dorian, smug bastard that he was, once again was the teacher’s pet. Everyone had to come and sample Dorian’s food. How was that for fuckin’ irony? The one man in the room who couldn’t appreciate it, had prepared the best meal. John, on the other hand managed to put a perfect sear on his left hand and his chicken was raw in the middle.

Things were a bit better during week three. Steak was on the menu and if there was something John had always wanted to learn how to cook, it was steak. The problem that week was with his garlic mashed potatoes. He had left them in to boil for too long and they were mushy, made worse by John adding way too much butter. His steak was fabulous, his potatoes were god-awful with the instructor letting John know they were the perfect consistency for wall-paper paste. _Well, la-de-fricken-da, you Bobby Flay wanna-be_ , John mumbled to himself. At the very least John would walk away with the ability to grill himself one kick-ass steak.

Week four was John’s coup de gras: noodles. The class would be making a Thai noodle dish and this one was right in John’s wheelhouse. Unbeknownst to Dorian, John had been practicing his knife work. On nights when Dorian would stay with Rudy, John would pick up fresh vegetables and go to work with his knives. It was easier to work without Dorian around to distract him and as time went by his knife skills were greatly improved. John swiped his arm against his sweaty forehead again, as he waited for the instructor to try his food. Dorian, working two stations down from him had gotten rave reviews as per usual, but tonight would be John’s night to shine.

“Mr. Kennex.” The instructor said. “Well, your knife cuts don’t look like they were made by an inebriated St. Bernard. The julienned carrots are close to perfect. Now let’s have a taste.”

John held his breath and crossed his fingers as the instructed wound a mouthful around his chopsticks. His eyes lit up in surprise. John arched an eyebrow. Fucking yes!

“Class, Mr. Kennex is our winner this evening. Please come sample his dish. Well done, John.”

Dorian slapped him on the back. “All hail the ramen king.”

“Hey, no one messes with my coffee warmer, or my ramen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John Kennex and cooking. This is something we will debate long into the winter to come. Everything we know as canon about John tells us that he is independent man. I have no doubt that John can cook and probably can cook well. He’s in really great shape and you don’t stay that way at his age eating take-out food all the time. I wanted this little fic to show growth on John’s part and to showcase his always present desire to learn and get better. John Kennex can boil my ramen any day!


	22. Day 22: Side By Side In Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...And they're off!

“You sure you’re up for this, John?”

“Fuck, yeah, been puttin’ in all that extra time at the O-course, haven’t I?”

“This is a little different, John.”

**_Will the contestants in the three-legged race please make their way to the start line._ **

“Isn’t it more like a two-legged race, there, Kennex?” Richard bent down to knock on John’s synthetic leg.”

“Funny, Dick, very funny. Where’s your partner?”

Dorian snorted. “Probably still down for naptime.”

John howled with laughter as he and Dorian made their way to the start line. 

 

Dorian bent down to secure their legs together, one tie at the ankle and a second tie around the knee. They awkwardly limped around trying to find the right rhythm to the steps.

**Contestants of the three-legged race, take your marks.**

They lined up with the other contestants. John noted he was the only entrant with an android as a secret weapon. He dropped a wink at Dorian and turned his attention to the finish line.

**Get set.**

Dorian was ready for this, well until John winked at him. This could be a problem. Danger. Danger. His brain screamed at him. Of all the times for John to show the slightest sign of interest.

**GO!**

John and Dorian took off in a flash leaving most of their other competitors in the dust, well on the lawn of the Green Street Baptist Church anyway. They were out to a good solid lead and John was ready to run.

_Synthetic calibration failed._

You have got to be fucking kidding me. “Gotta problem here Dorian.”

“Keep moving , John. I’ll try to pick up some of your weight.”

The other contestants had started to catch up with them.

“Just leave me Dorian, save yourself.” John said dramatically.

“No man is getting left behind, John. Not on my watch.” Dorian snorted with laughter.

_Synthetic calibration failed._

John’s knee locked up and that threw off John’s balance sending them both crashing to the ground, face first. John was giggling like a school girl.

“What’s so funny?”

“Paul was right. It did turn into a two-legged race.” John was laughing so hard tears were rolling down his face.

Dorian bumped his head forward against John’s, lightly brushing their lips together. He felt John gasp then press his lips back against Dorian’s.

“Guess we win after all, huh, D?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the easy way out here would have been to write a long drawn out gun battle with John doing something stupidly heroic to save Dorian and Dorian alternately yelling at and kissing John….hmmmm? Not a bad idea, but I could hear Richard Paul in my head, which is a new one for me…making that joke about it being a two-legged race and I was off the errrrm, races!


	23. Day 23: Arguing

“Hand it over, Dorian.” John snarled his upper lip at his partner.

“Hand what over, John?” Dorian pasted on an angelic smile.

“The dammed remote control, that’s what.”

“It’s my night to choose, John.”

“Yeah, well one more episode of _Say Yes to the Dress_ and there’s gonna be a homicide detective leading me away in handcuffs.”

“And what do you want to watch that’s so much more culturally stimulating? Mud wrestlin’? Monster Truck rally?”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with Monster Truck Rallies.”

“Not if you’re a hilly-billy, sister-humpin’, redneck.”

“Take that back, you bucket of bolts.”

Dorian stood up and tossed the remote to John. He walked off toward his bedroom.

John was stunned and a little hurt by the cold glitter in Dorian’s eyes. He had only been kidding, it was in bad taste, sure, but he had been only joking. “D, wait!” John called after him. The near silent click of Dorian’s door locking was louder in John’s mind than if Dorian had slammed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH, the dreaded cliffhanger. Blame the prompt maker who put “Arguing” next to “Making Up.” LOL The problem I have with this fic is with our boys saying mean things to each other. Yeah, it’s fiction and yeah it hurts like hell. Dorian could have gone for the jugular with a comment about Anna and John could have struck back with something about him not being a real boy… I wasn’t going there. This is hard enough.


	24. Day 24: Making Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of yesterday's "Arguing" fic.

John turned on the football game he had been dying to watch. It wasn’t the same without Dorian there. No matter how many times John explained American football to Dorian, he never seemed to understand the rules. He would spend every game they watched together asking John the same questions over and over again. Wait a second, John thought. Dorian never forgot anything. He slapped his palm against his forehead. How could he have been so dense? Dorian was asking all of those questions to engage with John, to keeping him talking while they spent time together.

John flipped the channel back to _Say Yes To The Dress_. He had never quite understood why Dorian liked this show so much. It was just a bunch of clucking hens trying to pick out a dress for the most important day in a woman’s life. Is that why Dorian liked the show? Because it captured that moment in the lives of these strangers? Because it captured a moment he would never have? Fuuuuuck, he was an asshole, the biggest one on Planet Earth. He stood up and walked to Dorian’s bedroom door.

John stood outside the door, twisting his fingers together. He didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know how to apologize the right way. All he knew was that he needed to say…something to Dorian to make things okay between them again. He raised a trembling fist to the door and knocked softly. “Dorian?” His heart was pounding in his chest, making it hard for him to listen for the sounds of Dorian walking to the door. He couldn’t hear any signs of movement from inside. “I’m sorry Dorian, please open the door.”

“Why John? So you can insult me again? No thanks.” Dorian’s voice was soft, his tone sad.

John sank to the floor and leaned against the doorframe. “I’ve never been any good at sharing, Dorian. Curse of an only child, I guess.” He huffed out a rough laugh. This wasn’t going well. Dorian was supposed to open the door and rush back into his arms, telling John that he was sorry and that they could watch his game together. Why wasn’t Dorian rushing back into his arms?

“I’m sorry I called you a bucket of bolts. I was only kidd- It was cruel Dorian. I was cruel to you on purpose over a stupid fucking football game. I’m so sorry, please open the door Dorian.” Tears were falling hard and fast. John was powerless to stop them.

Dorian could hear John crying from his place on the other side of the door. He was scanning John through the door. His heart rate was high and he was getting a reading that John was in pain, although his leg was fine. He knew John was sorry for what he had said, he could see it in his eyes in the nano seconds after he’d said the words. Dorian needed to walk away before he struck back with worse words. He had to calm down and the only way to do it was to walk away.

John heard the lock click and then the door opened. Dorian was staring down at him. He quickly sat on the floor so they would be eye-level with each other. “I’m sorry too, John. For walking away and accusing you of being a redneck.”

“It’s partially true.” John smiled. “Well not the sister-humpin’ part, because I don’t have a sister.”

Dorian had joined in on that last part, enjoying the way his voice sounded joined with John’s.

John stood up and offered Dorian his hand. “C’mon D, The _Say Yes To The Dress_ marathon is still on. Maybe you can teach me the difference between a ball gown and a mermaid gown, huh?”

Dorian took his hand and let John pull him back to his feet. “A ball gown has a long, puffy skirt, like Cinderella’s dress, a mermaid gown…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you got me, I like Say Yes To The Dress. I like seeing the hope and love in these young ladies’ eyes. I also love looking at some of the eyesore dresses they fall in love with! 
> 
> One of my favorite things about John Kennex is his ability to change and grow. He’s the kind of man who flies off the handle, but who will then sit down and think over what he said and why it hurt someone else. He may seem standoffish and thick-headed sometimes, but he’s a lot deeper than that. He’s also not the kind of guy who’s going to come out with his conclusions. John’s theory about why Dorian likes this show will remain unspoken until Dorian confirms it.


	25. Day 25: Gazing Into Each Other's Eyes

“ **One. Two. Three. Four. I declare a thumb war.”** Both men said together.

The fingers of each man’s hand were locked together in battle, claw to claw. Dorian had the eye of the tiger out in full force, he wasn’t going down without a fight.

John’s hazel eyes were locked onto Dorian’s and he could feel the perfect nails on Dorian’s hand digging into his skin. It was mano y mano. Neither man visibly showed a sign of the fear lurking in their hearts. There was a lot riding on this thumb war. This one was for all the marbles.  A battle for the ages.  A truly epic match, one that would be talked about and bragged about for weeks to come.

“Ow, dammit, Dorian, stop bending my wrist back.”

“Hey man, you were the one who said, ‘rules, ppffttt, what rules’ when I asked about the terms of combat.” Dorian had perfectly mimicked John’s words. His strategy was to tire John out by keeping his muscles busy. It was working perfectly.

“God, I hate when you do that.” John was being cagey, like a panther. He was trying to keep his thumb constantly on the move, so the chances were less likely his thumb would get pinned early.

Dorian loved when John was in a mood like this. He’d had a beer or two and was mellow and happy. Silly might actually be a better way to describe his mood. John had been bouncing  like a little boy on the couch when he was explaining the thumb war to Dorian.

John could feel the muscles in his arm starting to tire out and he knew that was Dorian’s plan all along. It was time for John to pull out his secret weapon. With hazel locked on blue, John leaned forward and kissed Dorian, licking his tongue out at the seam of Dorian’s lips.

When Dorian dropped their arms down to concentrate on kissing John back, that’s when John made his move, effectively pinning Dorian’s thumb. John smiled against Dorian’s lips and pulled back to crow his victory. He hopped out of his seat, forgetting that his hand was still linked with Dorian’s who tugged John forward to straddle his lap. He brought their lips back together and John moaned when Dorian’s tongue brushed alongside his own.

Dorian pulled back, staring into John’s beautiful eyes. “Best two out of three?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one was silly. I was sitting around trying to think of all of the reasons you would stare at someone, the most obvious of course was because you are in love with them, but that’s like shooting fish in a barrel. So I thought about a staring contest, which is really no contest at all since Dorian doesn’t need to blink. All of a sudden, I could hear John’s voice in my head saying, one, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. And that, as we say is that!


	26. Day 26: Getting Married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final installment of the storyline from "Wearing Each Other's Clothes" and "One Is Awake While The Other Is Asleep."

It had been four months since Dorian had been decommissioned. John had worked tirelessly to find a way to get Dorian reactivated, going so far as paying a visit to the “alleged” rapists whom Dorian had nearly killed when he caught them torturing their last victim. They were facing the death penalty for their crimes and even though he had no authority to do so, John offered them life with no parole so long as they gave witness statements attesting to Dorian’s innocence and asking that he be reinstated to the police force. The boys had jumped at the offer and John recorded their confessions. Recordings safely in hand he went to Captain Maldonado.

“You did WHAT?”

Well this was going well already. Awesome. “You heard me, Sandra. I offered them life with no parole and they agreed to help Dorian.”

“Dammit, John.”

He has expected this kind of reaction. “Hey, you said it yourself last week, my closure rate was shit without Dorian. Give him back to me Sandra, please.”

She had seen how not having Dorian’s steady influence around John was affecting him. He had lost weight, wasn’t sleeping and dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes. John was a mess. “You have to keep fighting, John.”

“That’s all I’ve done since he was decommissioned.”

“Fight for yourself, John, to survive and get past this.”

“Get past this? I fought my way back from a lover’s betrayal that cost me my leg and nearly my life. The fact that I could even think about someone else again should count for something. You gave Dorian to me because you said he was special. I need him back, Sandra.”

“It is life in prison.”

John nodded. “Hey, think of all the electricity, I just saved the state of California.”

She gave him a sad smile. “I’ll make some calls, but no promises, John.”

 

Time ticked slowly past. Hours turned into days, which turned into weeks. John kept moving forward. He worked, ate noodles and tried to sleep. He kept his weekly dates with Dorian and hadn’t “lost” anymore MX partners. He was, however, starting to lose hope.

Wednesday rolled around and John walked into Rudy’s lab for his weekly visit with Dorian. When he got there, Sandra was waiting for him. She was held the “magic” wand out to John and stepped back. Dorian was lying on the table.

“What happened?” John could barely breathe as he stared at Dorian.

“Took a lot of doing, John. Let’s just say you owe me or I own you, rather.”

John swallowed around the lump in his throat. He touched the wand to Dorian’s ear and watched as his dead obsidian eyes turned sapphire with life.

“Marry me, Dorian.” John sobbed when Dorian reached for his hand.

Dorian nodded and pulled John close to hold him.

“I won’t lose you again.” John cried into Dorian’s neck.

“I’m right here, John.”

“Take a week of PTO, John. See you both next week.” Sandra sailed out the door.

“Let’s go home.” John whispered.

 

Later, they lay tangled in each other. John was exhausted.

“Are you sure about this, John?”

“Never been more sure about anything in my life, Dorian.” He slid the silver band on Dorian’s hand and they both recited:

“I marry you, I marry you, I marry you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the last line is from Cold Mountain. This is not an official marriage, but it is real in every sense of the word to John and Dorian.


	27. Day 27: One Of Their Birthdays

It was Dorian’s birthday. Well not his birthday, per say, but it was his reactivation day. Since the stores didn’t sell “Happy Reactivation Day” banners, the “Happy Birthday” banner would have to do. The cake was shaped like a giant gear wheel and the punch looked suspiciously like 3 In 1 motor oil.

Everyone was gathered across the room where a poster was hung on the wall. It was the old fashioned pin the tail on the donkey game, only there was a picture of Richard Paul’s face where the face of the donkey should be. Dorian was giggling behind his hand, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who had made the poster to look like this.

“Hey, what’s everyone staring at?” Richard Paul asked when he walked into the conference room set up for Dorian’s party.

The sea of bodies blocking his view of the poster parted and he read out loud, “Pin the tail on the ass.”

Everyone looked around uncomfortably at each other for the beat of time it took Paul to say, “If it’s pin the tail on the ass, why isn’t the picture of you, Kennex?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John would want Dorian to be able to experience all of the wonderful things having to do with a child’s birthday party. Do they even make pin the tail on the donkey anymore?? I suppose if they had it in 2048 it would be hologram or some kind of virtual reality kind of a thing!


	28. Day 28: Doing Something Ridiculous

_Thank you for being a friend, traveled down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant. And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, thank you for being a friend._

“Fuck me, Dorian, not another episode.” John groaned and slouched down deeper into the couch. He and Dorian had been watching episodes of the Golden Girls for five straight hours.

**Picture it, Sicily, 1922…**

“Shush, Sophia’s telling a story about Sicily.” Dorian LOVED The Golden Girls. His favorite was Sophia, she had a snappy comeback for everything.

**You’ll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which has rendered her totally annoying…**

John was having a bit of a dilemma. He would rather die horribly in a tickle fight rather than admit this, but he liked The Golden Girls too. John was a Dorothy fan. He admired her strength in getting through hard times and the way she never took any shit from Blanche.

**I’m jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo…**

John was laughing so hard tears were rolling down his face.  He stopped short when his stomach grumbled and then started laughing at that too. “Dorian, what the hell time is it?”

“It’s quarter past nine.” Dorian couldn’t believe it was that late either.

“We’ve been watching Golden Girls for twelve straight hours? No wonder I’m starvin’.”

“You run to the bathroom and I’ll make you a sandwich?”

“Deal.” John bumped their fists together.

**Back in St. Olaf…**

It was hour twenty-three of The Golden Girls marathon. John had reluctantly fallen asleep three hours ago, snuggled against Dorian on the couch. Dorian stayed put, enjoying the weight and feel of John in his arms. “Thank you for being a friend.” Dorian whispered, kissing John’s sleeping face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t tell me you weren’t singing along with the theme song at the beginning of this fic! This is one of my all time favorite shows. I can quote these episodes by heart! For those of you unfamiliar with the show or just out of practice, the lines in bold are spoken by Sophia, Dorothy, Blanche and Rose, respectively.
> 
> I made mention of this show in an earlier fic and was asked by the lovely Corrie71 to please write more about Dorian and The Golden Girls. This fic is all for you, darlin’!
> 
> I have a mental picture of Dorian sitting on the edge of the couch staring up at the viewsceen with so much love on his face. Kinda like the look on my five year old niece’s face when she’s watching Frozen. I love Dorian’s child-like enthusiasm.
> 
> Don’t let John’s grumpy cat façade fool you! Sometimes he is so much like Bones it freaks me out a bit…don’t even get me started on my Kennex/Dredd/McCoy cloning headcanon. That way lies only madness. Anyway, Bones and John are grumpy on the outside with so much more going on inside, they both use snark and sarcasm to deflect emotion, joy especially. I will never understand this, but there you have it.


	29. Day 29: Doing Something Hot

John walked from the bedroom to the kitchen, returning a few moments later with a can he was vigorously shaking.

“What is that John?”

“You’ll see Dorian. Be patient.”

“Wait, you’re telling me to be patient, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?”

John’s smile was devious. He uncapped the can and began drawing on Dorian’s body with whipped cream. He coated his cock, drew a line up to his nipples, coated his neck and lastly covered his lips. Dorian moaned in response as John started to lick and suck the cream from his body.

“You like it D?”

“I like how excited it makes you. How do you plan to get all of the whipped cream off me, John.” Dorian panted.

John looked up and grinned. “Gonna lick it off, Dorian, that’s the point here.”

“You are going to have to be the one to explain to Rudy how my inner workings got clogged with whip-”

“Relax and enjoy, D” John smirked as he lowered his mouth down to Dorian’s cock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I volunteer as tribute…


	30. Day 30: Doing Something Hot

It was supposed to be a simple task. Turn on the hose and spray it at the contestants in the Wet Tee-Shirt contest. The task couldn’t have been easier. Dorian was ready to serve with honor. Neither he, nor the MXs were allowed to compete in the contest, because with those bodies, none of their lumpy human counterparts stood a chance,

The contestants for Boy-Toy 2048 were a couple of muscle-bound freaks (John’s words) from Vice, Richard Paul and John Kennex, who was still wondering what circle of Hell this qualified as. No matter, he thought, Dorian would still pay for talking him into this.

“Let’s hear it for the Boy-Toys.” The emcee called out to the crowd, who erupted in applause.

That line was Dorian’s cue to turn on the hose. He knew instantly something was wrong as the pressure of the water was too strong. He watched in horror as the spray slammed into John’s head, knocking him to the ground in a sopping heap. Dorian quickly closed off the hose and rushed to John. His partner was out cold.

Later when John woke up in the hospital with a busted ear drum and a concussion he learned he had been crowned Boy-Toy 2048.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t ask, I have no idea where this came from. I was brainstorming hot things, hot as in temperature and hot as in va va va voom. I guess this fills both bills! Poor soggy John!
> 
> I can't believe this is the last day of this challenge! It went by so fast! Many thanks to my Ladies: Corrie71, KCgirl and GoWashTheLights. It was SO much fun doing this challenge with you all!

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this challenge was all Corrie71's and for that I am eternally grateful. She asked me if I would be interested in writing this 30 Day Challenge and my response was, "When do you want to start?" I sent out the word to the other girls and we were off with this idea. All of these talks took place about a week before the show was cancelled and we all agreed THIS show must go on.
> 
> If anyone is interested in the prompt list, drop me a message here on in my inbox on Tumblr. I am WeWillSpockYou there as well!


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